It’s a new way of looking … but it works.
You’ve been careful, keeping a watchful eye on all forms of psychological manipulation that can occur in your relationships, especially at work. But it’s finally struck you that you don’t know all the signs to look out for or how to respond to gaslighting.
Whether you’re already experiencing gaslighting or you prefer just being prepared, there are fresh ways to identify gaslighting tactics that can protect you.
What is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is when someone tries to distort another person’s sense of reality through deception, misdirection, contradiction, and confusion.
The term comes from a 1930s play where a husband tries to make his wife believe she is going insane by dimming the gas lights and then denying it.
Managers, coworkers, or HR may use gaslighting at work to make employees question their own judgment, perceptions, or sanity.
Examples include denying promises were made, blaming the victim, exaggerating flaws, minimizing concerns, and more.
The goal is to destabilize the target and evade accountability.
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Background On Gaslighting At Work
Gaslighting, unfortunately, occurs in many workplaces, especially in toxic company cultures. Contributing factors include:
- Power imbalances between managers and employees.
- Lack of accountability and oversight.
- Poor conflict resolution practices.
- Unclear policies and procedures.
The impacts of gaslighting can be severe, leading to emotional distress, physical illness, loss of self-confidence, and ruined careers.
All employees have a right to be treated with dignity and have their experiences validated.
8 Ways To Spot Gaslighting At Work
Being able to recognize gaslighting behaviors is the first step to countering them. Watch out for:
1. Denial of Previous Conversations/Commitments
Purpose: To invalidate your recollection and make you doubt yourself.
Potential learning: Keep records of important correspondences.
Use: Refer back to written communications, emails, notes, etc. to fact check.
2. Projection/Blame Shifting
Purpose: To avoid taking responsibility by accusing you.
Potential learning: Reflect on your own role but don’t accept undue blame.
Use: Stick to facts and focus on resolving the issue.
3. Contradicting Your Lived Experiences
Purpose: To sow self-doubt and confusion.
Potential learning: Trust your own memories and perceptions.
Use: Document occurrences and reach out to others who can validate.
4. Mischaracterizing Your Words/Actions
Purpose: To control narrative and portray you negatively.
Potential learning: Be mindful of communications and advocate for yourself.
Use: Seek clarification of accusations and clear up misrepresentations.
5. Minimizing Your Concerns
Purpose: To trivialize issues and override your feelings.
Potential learning: Your concerns deserve to be heard.
Use: Explain impact of behaviors and reassert significance.
6. Exaggerating Your Flaws
Purpose: To deflect from issues by attacking you.
Potential learning: Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Focus on facts.
Use: Acknowledge you aren’t perfect but behavior is still wrong.
7. One-Sided Accusations
Purpose: To intimidate and discredit without dialogue.
Potential learning: Communication should involve mutual understanding.
Use: Request specific examples and open dialogue.
8. Veiled Threats
Purpose: To coerce compliance through fear.
Potential learning: Your rights and safety are paramount.
Use: Document threats, consult authorities if needed.
The Role of Leaders
Leaders play a crucial role in preventing gaslighting through:
- Setting clear policies about respectful conduct.
- Modeling accountability, integrity, and ethics.
- Intervening when gaslighting behaviors occur.
- Facilitating open communication and mediation.
- Ensuring fairness in performance management and discipline.
However, leaders may also be complicit or active in gaslighting. Seek help from HR, legal counsel, or external sources if needed.
Challenges
Gaslighters are skilled manipulators, so identifying and countering their tactics can be difficult.
Self-doubt, denial, and fear of retaliation may prevent reporting.
Witnesses may be unwilling to get involved. HR may dismiss concerns if policies are unclear.
Persistence, documentation, and allies are key to overcoming these obstacles.
Conclusion
Workplace gaslighting causes severe harm, but education and vigilance can help reduce it.
Employees have options like documenting evidence, contacting witnesses, reporting to HR, consulting lawyers, or leaving toxic jobs.
With support, gaslighting can be overcome.
The goal is to trust yourself, assert your reality, and know your rights.
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With 30+ years of training experience, I founded Oak Innovation (oakinnovation.com) in 1995. I help busy training professionals and business managers deliver better training courses in less time by giving them instant access to editable training course material. I received my Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees from University College Cork. I hold qualifications in Professional Development And Training from University College Galway. Clients include Apple, Time Warner, and Harvard University.
